A Pirates Reality
by Ninja's Moon
Summary: A bunch of semirelated drabbles thingys with spoofed titles of different reality TV shows! First chapter So you think you can dance Rated for language and some yaoiness. SanjixZoro! Read, review, and above all: Enjoy!


Hilow! Yes, I realize I have not written much other than Naruto…but this is a break from my other stories (most of which are Naruto) This Is a One Piece yaoi fic involving Sanji and Zoro…and the rest of their nakama but they're not really important. Well they are but only as supporting characters in this case. At first when I wrote this it was a one shot and I proclaimed it a finished drabble, at least to my beta Hiro-koi (-kun to you peoples) I thought about how this would be rated R or M only for the language. Now, there needs to be a little more in here don't ya think? So chapter two, Grand Line's Most Smartest Pirate and hopefully other chapters with spoofed titles of reality TV shows are underway!!!

Warning/Disclaimer: No, I do not own One Piece, it's people, or any other franchises. I do own this fic tho, so ha! There will be some nummy sex later on; this chapter's really a teaser/confession round.

**So You Think You Can Dance**

"Hey, shitty cook. You're standing in my light." Zoro grumbled as Sanji blocked his source of warmth during his afternoon nap.

"Then maybe you should move, marimo. This is the best view of Nami-swan." Sanji leaned with a challenging smile on the railing. Zoro fingered the handle of his white katana.

"Oi, you wanna fight, love cook?"

"As a matter of fact-"

"LAND HOOOOOOO!!" Usopp shouted from the crows nest, dispelling any necessity to fight with the excitement of a potential adventure.

- - - - - - - - -

"Zoro!! You're going to help Sanji with the food this time." Nami, per usual, handed out the orders.

"Why should I have to work with such an ignorant slob?" Sanji folded his arms, not about to take this one lying down.

"Please Sanji-kun?" Nami smiled sweetly.

"Hai Nami-Swaaan!" or perhaps he was.

"And before I hear any protest from you Zoro, you have yet to help with anything on the last three islands we landed, so this time you are going to get off your lazy ass and do something!" she turned, glaring at him once more before heading out with Robin to go shopping. It was the only decent sized town they'd come to and she'd be damned if a chance for fresh paper and new clothes would slip through her hands just because those bakas wouldn't work together.

"Kuso! Why the hell should I have to help you with the damn shopping!? Oi Teme…where-?" Sanji had disappeared, heading into town to get the food himself, rather than listen to the swordsman grumble. "Che, fine. I'm going back to the..." Nami had turned around, sending glares and vicious feelings his direction. "Fuck. Where is that damned cook?"

- - - - - - - - - Two hours later - - - - - - - - -

"Luffy, do you have any idea where we are?" Zoro walked alongside the rubber captain, fidgeting with his swords.

"I thought we were following you."

"..._After one round of Jose Quervo, I caught my boots tapping along with the beat_..." a familiar voice spilled out of the nearest tavern, slurring and singing loudly.

"Is that...?"

"SANJI!!!!" Luffy burst through the doors, grinning like a maniac at the sight of his cook. Sanji mirrored his expression, continuing to sing the country song in a loud, twangy voice that did not match the lanky man, yet still managed to sound distinctly western and right.

"You…are you shitting me!?" Zoro, caught completely off guard, tripped up the stairs in his haste to enter the tavern. "Sanji! What the fuck!?"

"…_three rounds of Jose Quervo_-" the blonde cook took another swig of amber liquid from the bottle he held tightly. "Have a drink, Marimo!"

"You fucker, Nami is going to kick you're fucking ass!" 'And I sure as hell do not want to end up dancing right up there with you!' he added silently.

"Nah, she won't, shealready left withthe shopping." Sanji made his unsteady way over to him. "Just hava drink withmeh!"

"Yeh, c'mon Zoro!!" Luffy slung a companionable arm around him "You never say no!" which earned some rather frightening giggles from both the swordsman's nakama.

"I do too!" his face colored slightly and he huffed, puffing out his chest to preserve whatever manhood they hadn't just stepped on.

"Prove it!" Sanji grinned, waving the bottle under his nose. Zoro drooled a little, quickly averting his eyes from the liquid. "See, you can't-hey!" he watched as Zoro sat at the bar and ordered sake.

"I'm not drinking that shit, fucking bastard. I win." He downed the glass smugly. This expression quickly changed to horror as he realized he'd just drank tequila "What the-!?"

"Sorry bud. All we serve on Cinco de Mayo is tequila, no matter what you order!"

Zoro glared at the bartender, who had obviously been sampling his own wares.

"Ha! I win." Sanji rolled away, singing, "_Tequila makes her clothes fall off_" in a boisterous, intoxicated voice. Only he'd substituted her with his, causing quite a stir among the bar-goers.

"Damn." Despite his resentment at losing he still ordered another drink, sighing as he downed it "This is going to be a long night." And wondered faintly if tequila really did make clothes fall off.

- - - - - - - - - _Several hours later_ - - - - - - - - -

"SUGOOOOOI!!!" Luffy yelled over the noise as Sanji and Zoro whirled in a heated dance, a silent but deadly challenge. It had started after Sanji was starting into his second bottled and Zoro was just finishing his first, not twenty minutes ago.

"I bet you couldn't dance even if our ship and the entire country of Alabastar depended on it!" Sanji dared, swaying his own hips in an unconscious echo of the music's beat.

"I can dance." The swordsman remarked offhandedly, nursing his virtually empty bottle.

"Prove it!" he defied for the second time that evening.

"Fine." He got up slowly, steadily, and moved. At first it was slow and even, before he moved into a quicker rhythm, matching, increasing the tempo of the tune. He turned and waved, swirled and ducked, lacing his arms as if wielding a sword, hands open and palms always facing outward. His body was powerful, graceful, elegant, and unyielding. Sanji, not to be outdone, entwined his body about the man, shifting and bending, moving as if he was born to do so. Which lead to this very moment, back in the present, when Sanji's face spun mere inches from his nakama's.

"Go ZORO!!! GO SANJI!!!" Luffy laughed exuberantly as the men slowed a tad, drained from their constant moving. Zoro pushed the blonde away, catching his breath. That's when he realized the burn of alcohol in his stomach had lessened significantly with the exercise. And he was dancing in public.

"Oh shit." He rushed for the door, face red and twisted. Sanji, feeling it was his fault but, in his drunken state, completely unsure why, darted after him.

"Oi, shithead! Where're you going! There's plenty more to drink and I'm not gonna' do it with just Luffy around."

"Just shut up! I'm not going back in there!" he spun around, glaring. "You knew if I drank I'd dance!!"

"And what, you don't want to dance? Or is it you don't want to dance with me!?" the question, posed as a threat, hung heavy in the air.

"That's not it, fucker! I don't want to dance."

"Why, because you suck? Or because it's me?!"

"It's not you, I like y-!!" he stopped, slapping a hand harshly across his own mouth.

"You what?" Sanji moved closer, stumbling a little as his fogged mind tried to make sense of the unfinished confession.

"I don't mind it, shitty cook." Zoro murmured, staring at the ground.

"I...you're not so bad…either." Sanji blushed grudgingly, somewhat aware that this would be a big thing come morning. Zoro leaned slightly closer. The moon shone perfectly in Sanji's eyes, casting their own little stars as the man held his breath.

"…Really? So then-"

"-That's settled," Sanji grinned, the smell of drink still quite powerful on his breath, and turned back toward the village "So lets go back and celebrate!"

Zoro shook his head, humming as he followed the inebriated, stumbling chef on his way town-ward, '_Tequila makes his clothes fall off._'

-,-,-,-, _Owari_ -,-,-,-

I bet you guys were expecting some romantic kissing in the moonlight, stars shining above them setting a surrealistic mood? Heh, too bad I don't think so! That's right, you don't even get one hint of debauchery, suckahs!! And I realize that there is no Cinco de Mayo (probably not anyways) in the world of One Piece but hey, deal with it. I needed an excuse not to served him sake and this popped into my head. Besides, it's my fic, I can write what I damn well please. (coughs) In Other News (dances) it's the weekend!!


End file.
